One of the biggest struggles that most of the mamas I know face is feeling judged – whether it comes from others, from society, or – often the biggest culprit – ourselves, the amount of pressure we feel is enormous.
Those judgments weigh heavily on us and can really get in the way of you enjoying your one precious life. So, beautiful mama, here are some tips for letting go of judgment and opening your heart up to love:
- Be honest about what really matters to YOU
As moms, the comparison struggle is real. No matter how you choose to raise your children, there will always be someone else who is doing it differently – or worse, someone who is judging you for your choices. It is so important to become aware of and release the need you feel to please others. Focus on those who matter most in your life – your own needs, your kid(s), your partner/spouse, your true friends and your family. No one can tell you how to parent or how to dress or how to cook or whether or not you should or shouldn’t do anything! Fuck that! You are an amazing mama to care so much and your kids chose you for your compassion, your skills (or lack thereof), and your intuitive talents.
Think about where and how you’ve let others get in your head and make the choice to stop that right now. Only you know what lights you up and what works for your family! And if you have been so pressured by others that you don’t have a clue what works for you or your family, that’s also okay. Recognizing that and being honest with yourself is the first step in taking back your power. The clarity will come as you begin to put your own needs first.
(If you need some help with this, my third book Boundaries and Bucket-Filling is filled with tips and exercises).
- Decide to Move Forward
Way too often, people get stuck in the past. The painful twists and turns of life can definitely shake us and if you have found yourself thinking longingly for your kid-free days or for the pre-COVID life, you are not alone.
It’s okay to look back with fondness, but do not get stuck there! Do not let the painful things that have happened to you deter you from living in the moment. The only way things will get better in the future is if you focus your energy on gratitude, healing, and taking action (even teeny, tiny small steps) each day.
Here’s an easy exercise you can use when you feel yourself getting caught up in the past or in the ever-sticky worries of the present: Visualize your angels all around you holding empty suitcases. Then, mentally “pack up the negativity” from your life into those suitcases and watch them get carried up into the heavens, their burdens lifted from your shoulders.
- Tune in to your Heart
Stop trying to protect yourself from more pain.
Bad things are going to happen in the world, no matter how much you “prepare” for them or pull away from others or sanitize your damn hands! I know life can be scary, but you are not the only one who is afraid. All of us have doubts and insecurities and yet, the happy people keep going, keep trying, and don’t dwell in their pain.
So how can you move into a more joyful outlook? One that allows you to live the life you want and let go of the judgments and fear from others?
Here’s a start: look around you now and see the beauty in the room you are in. Think of those that love you, think of your kids and how much love they have awakened in you (even when they are driving you crazy). Whenever you feel overwhelmed this week, stop and think of two things that are wonderful about your life.
In the stressful times we are living in, it’s easy to feel low and uncertain. Isolating from others is bound to close off the heart, if you let it. So don’t! Find ways to connect and share your light with others.
Affirm: My heart is open to love.
Sending you the confidence to march to the beat of your own drum,